Tuesday, February 6, 2007

More words concerning change, myself, and flying machines

There used to be some things you could count on in this world: sweet potatoes on Thanksgiving, a birthday card from Grandma, an awful sequel hitting the theaters in the summer. And me - I was reliable. There are a few givens about me. I don't eat breakfast. I don't wear make-up. I have a strange relationship with my vanity (I gave up the mirror for lent last year). I'm messy. I hate yogurt, bananas, driving, and shopping (to the point that I never, ever go without a friend to distract me). I don't care for sunny days or the warmer seasons of the year. I snuggle up to routine (in food, in thought, in travel - to the point where it's been quite the handicap in Goldeneye on N64. I wouldn't realize that I was operating in a pattern but my brother would pick up on it and lay traps for me. I always take the same path. Elder M asked me a few years ago how my day was, and I told him it was, "Enlightening." He asked why, and I said, "I was driving home and I didn't turn to go the usual way. I just went straight." I didn't know how to explain the hugeness of this to him, but he said the right thing when he said, "...I understand." I wonder if Robert Frost's path was less travelled by everyone, or just him.)

I didn't go to class today. I was already planning on missing some of it for a doctor's appointment (the doctor and I both have irregular heartbeats, did you know? It's congenital, we both skip the fourth beat, and "it's never caused a stitch of trouble") but instead of driving home after that, I drove myself to the grocery store. I turned Illinoise up real loud and the AC on pretty cold. I bought things I've never bought before, including mascara.

There are certain things that can make me feel this way, this apple way, and it's a rush:

- a haircut
- rearranging my furniture
- cleaning my room
- paying attention to the sensations I normally don't notice - the bottoms of my feet, the way my clothes sit on me
- listening to a really good album I've never heard
- new clothes
- my ugly journal
- losing weight
- hearing thunder
- reading Borges stories
- jumping from a height
- today

Change is literally in the air - maybe I'm jumping the gun, but can't you feel spring starting? Doesn't it activate you? Does anything I'm saying make sense? I feel funny is all I'm trying to say. I've got black stuff on my eyelashes for the first time in three years, and I'm eating yogurt right now. And I organized my pantry shelf.

In other news, I purchased a large metal fork yesterday at D.I. I'm pleased about this, and it will be hanging on the wall in my living room until one of my roommates says something about it.

Do you realize that the Wright brothers flew for the first time in 1903 and the Apollo 8 mission sent the first men into orbit around the moon in 1968?

65 years.

4 reason(s) to click here:

Ashley said...

feelings like that make the only sense, sometimes.

Whistler said...

last night I didn't floss. It was the first time I skipped in a few years. I walk on the wild side.

Kismet Keeper said...

I think you and I are similar in this way. I used to think, "This is me; this is the way I am. And I like it!" Except...something happened recently, and I've noticed that since then, I've been subconsciously changing things about me: I wear make-up, my hair is down (now when it's up, it drives me crazy!), I've even bought a new purse. So now, this is me. And I like it!!

I'm happy that you're finding joy in your little changes!

flippin said...

You are awesome. That is all.