Friday, November 16, 2012

She will always be the only thing that comes between me and the awful sting of living in a world that's so dang mean

Just some things, for remembering:

-The week surrounding Halloween and the week after were a hellish fortnight of germs, vomit, oozing ear infections, diarrhea, fevers, coughs, snot, dentist and doctor appointments, and then a repeat of vomiting and diarrhea. Not a soul in the house made it through unscathed.

-The end of those two weeks was heavenly. We got a visit from an old college friend/roommate and her sister (and they are also sisters with another old college friend/roommate, one I had the pleasure of spending a week with in May. I have now met five of the eight of them, and I like them all very much). Have I mentioned how much I like getting visitors? I know I have. I don't like traveling much these days — not with the kids, anyway, combined with my lack of coping skills in the face of any degree of stress — but boy do I love getting visitors.

-A few days after they left, we spent a night at the Montage Laguna Beach for a National Association of Broadcasters conference that Andy was asked to participate in. I donned my white fluffy robe and just stood on the heated-bathroom floor and probably judged every person in that hotel. I'm a snob in so many ways.

-I've learned that I don't really think the world is a bad place, not at all, and I don't think it's getting worse. In fact, I think it's getting better for the most part, though there are always strengths that become weaknesses and weaknesses that become strengths in sine waves of ups and downs with a general trend toward maturity, just like people in general. Or so I think sometimes.

- I feel like my life lessons have been coming in key words lately: Balance. Moderation. Context. Perspective. History. Empathy. And all of these things are meaningless little bits without the experiences to back them up, and I can't give those to anyone else. It's such an inefficient system. I want the experiences of everyone else who has ever lived, I want us all to share them. I keep thinking lately that aging isn't just a function of time, but also a function of the experiences we have that get us to this new, older place. Elliot doesn't learn to be brave about new foods just because he's older chronologically, though that plays a role; he also learns to be brave about new foods because he's been a coward, and he's been exposed to new foods, and he's learned they're not deadly. In this way, he is older. And the amazing thing is that everyone goes through these little milestones at about the same point in their life. Two-year-olds are picky eaters: three-year-olds get braver. What this means to me I do not know.

- I don't know if it's the kids or if it's me, but my momskillz have declined lately. I lost some of my capacity for patience when I became a mom, and I feel like I've been losing it incrementally since. It seems that the kids have synced up their neediness cycles lately. Or maybe it's just Elliot. I've been having a hard time with him lately. Fortunately and unfortunately, parenting challenges change a little bit every day. I have to come up with infinite solutions to a constantly shifting problem, but I can't, and then I get grumpy.

- I have to think over some things for a while. I'll get back to you.

Just in case anyone was wondering what the title to this post is about, it's this crazy and miraculous girl. It's also a line from an Eel's song called "My Beloved Monster," which is exactly what she is.

2 reason(s) to click here:

Brooke Evans said...

I remember after one of my first big breakups, I finally realized that time doesn't solve anything or make anything get better unless you spend the time in a way that allows the healing to happen. Your thoughts on age reminded me a lot of that.

Sarah said...

I feel like I have been losing my mom patience lately too. So desperately that I need to put myself in check. I agree with you about how it fluctuates. Mine usually does yearly. I have an on year with one child and off year with the other. It's weird how that happens.