Thursday, February 9, 2012

The Rise of Summer and Andy, by Tamsen

I found this today. Enjoy it as much as I did:

This is a story of two people destined to be together. (It is also the biography of the band "Three Friends Larry".) Summer and Andy were in love. There was no doubt in anyone's mind about that. They wrote each other faithfully throughout Andy's mission, longing to be reunited. (Photo of mustachioed man with caption: Andy is pictured here reading one of Summer's letters.)

Andy spoke constantly of a girl with hair like the sun and eyes like playful sea otters. Upon his return, they knew they wanted to get married. It all came to a head one day in parliament as they pulled on straw wrappers, each thinking of the other. There were no knots. (Photo of...people in parliament pulling on straw wrappers.)

So they gathered together some of their nearest and dearest friends and started a newsletter, as well as the band "Three Friends Larry." Former bandmate and long-time Summer admirer, Tamsen, had this to say - "I remember all of us sitting around in the basement of Miller, getting high on life and printing ink. Then when our newsletter, 'Fictions for a Dime," sold, it was crack. What? My time's up? Oh, okay."

Due to the popularity of their leaflets, their band also grew to achieve legendary status. Eventually, Three Friends Larry was asked to sign a seven and a half year contract with Ocelot Records. They immediately did so, and in the next year five of their songs made it to Billboard's top ten. These included "Get Fatter, Felipe," "My Aunt Venice's Girdle," "Caramel in my Teeth," "Don't Rain on my Chicken," and "Hungry for your Lobster."

Folks lined up around the block to get tickets. Also, that stand sold tacos. Tacos and tickets. (Photo of people lining up at a stand.) The national guard and a male cheerleader were called in to keep order. (Photo of man with a megaphone.)

The President (a huge fan of TFL) declared, "THEY BLOW MY MIND." After their North Atlantic tour, NATO was formed. It stood for "North Atlantic Tamsen Oglers." It also furthered Piracy. (Map with members of NATO highlighted.)

Then, in the band's heyday, tragedy struck as Three Friends Larry's lead tuba player was run down in a time-warp related accident. His longtime friend and bandmate, Andy, was devastated. Nick remained in a coma for several weeks before the other band members made the news public at a press conference held in Poland. (Photo of man in a hospital bed with caption, "Lead tuba player Nick Clark.")

This tragic news had unbelievable economic ramifications as Three Friends Larry trading cards rose instantly in value. Nick Clark's "Little Pete" collector set was especially coveted, and throughout the decades has remained equal to the Euro and legal tender in most countries.

Shortly after Nick Clark's accident, lead singer Holly Kamrowski held her own press conference announcing her intent to become a solo artist. She broke away from Three Friends Larry and started singing as "Poland." She achieved moderate amounts of fame with her debut album, which she called "Poland and the Easter Block Party." (You really just have to see the photos)

The remaining members of Three Friends Larry disbanded and moved to Seattle, where they had family and a large following (namely, their families).

So what happened after that, you ask? Well, Nick Clark awoke from his coma and had a religious awakening as well. Nick became the pope (Pope Nicholas the Two) and dedicated his life to saving the whales.* *3,107 whales were baptized during his papacy. (Photo of pope.)

(Map of Europe with caption, "Holly Kamrowski eventually became a part of Europe.)

Summer and Andy Today: And What about Summer and Andy? Well, Summer became an artist and Andy was a photographer. Holly still attends their Easter Block Parties, featuring Ninja Turtles. Nick lends them the Pope-Mobile whenever they want. And they live next door to Tamsen and Sam.

(Photo of man and woman riding a vintage motorcycle with a duck sticking his head out of the woman's pocket.) Tamsen celebrated her birthday at Summer's until she was 78. Summer and Andy are probably best known for the time they got arrested reenacting the film "Harold and Maude." They stole that motorbike and didn't have a license for that duck. THE END.

(Glossary, with a few improvements)

(Tucked into the library checkout pocket thing on the last page, a small slip of paper that reads: "I love Summer. -Tamsen, 19 May 2007")

Clearly, I had a wonderful college experience.

3 reason(s) to click here:

Genuine Draft said...

This left me speechless/laughing hysterically. I completely forgot about that book - it must be falling apart by now considering it was all held together with a glue stick. I beg of you to scan in those pages somewhere so it can be saved for posterity, also I need to see the pictures.

LJ said...

Hear, hear!

This made me totally homesick.

Holly K said...

Ha! I remember this book! I second the call for scanned pages! Also, on a slightly more self-involved note, I'm kind of in love with the fact that this story now pops up when I google my full name. In the #3 slot!