Tuesday, February 27, 2007

They seemed sincere - they were all wearing sweaters

Things are looking up.

My dear roommate has been having a tough time this past week. To say the least.

I'm thinking and hoping things are getting a little better for her, though. And things are certainly getting better for me, who has also had a rough, if not quite as rough, couple of weeks.

I had a glorious walk home tonight. Out of all my troubles academic, spiritual, financial, relationshipic, and roommatal, all the answers seemed to come together tonight in the snow. Did you know that it snowed tonight? It shouldn't have - it was warm and the moon was shining. But as I walked down campus drive alone, it snowed not hard, but in soft abundance, highlit in halos around the street lamps (I always love driving under those when it's snowing and you lean back and pretend you're going warp speed through space). And I smiled, because my inner peace is coming back.

I have an appointment at ten in the morning to discuss a possible deferment next year, a decision I feel increasingly good about, granted that I could get my scholarship back the year after. If I can pull this off, my financial problems will be taken care of, and I won't even have to worry about taking off so many weeks this summer for things like weddings and missionaries and a childlike pilgrimage. I've been relying on my parents a lot lately, for financial and emotional support. I've called them more often and asked more of them. And they keep telling me, "Of course we'll help you, we know you're working hard, and we love you."

At the same time, my dad is not the only Father figure I'm learning to rely on. Just yesterday, our Sunday school teacher said something that surprised me: that "relying on the Lord better" is a virtue and a commandment. Darn my pride. This lesson will take me a lot of time, but it's the right one for me now.

Like an annoying neighbor kid, something nameless about the way things went with my relationship with Yellow has been pestering me anonymously since it ended. Doorbell-ditching, TP-ing and the like, in a metaphorical sense. Today, I think I finally figured out what it is. And it's not fixed, but now that I know its name, I can do something about it. I can finally walk away with resolve, closure, and every other good thing.

Also, I lost my glasses. I was going to get new frames anyway, as the lenses kept popping out, and they were pretty old, so really it's not a big deal that I'll have to get new ones. Irreplaceable, though, is the Ninja Turtles glasses case that I lost them in.

And my roommate ... I don't know what there is to do. I've been trying to show my support while refraining from indulgence, and who knows how well that worked. But last night when the bishop intervened, a great feeling of dread and tension was lifted from this place, and I felt hope for the near future. I love you, roommate. I just wish that you feel better, and that we all learn from this.

Perhaps it's not obvious to the reader that my life attained a great deal of resolution tonight while I walked in the snow. But believe me, I am blessed beyond my capacity to receive.

1 reason(s) to click here:

Yellow said...

I'm glad things are getting better. We should talk sometime.